Ottawa: Canada’s Jedi Knights have gathered in the nation’s capital today to express their outrage at changes to Canada’s long form census. The Jedi Council, meeting at an undisclosed location have issued a statement of support for NDP and Liberal moves to bring this issue back to Parliament. Grand Jedi Master Duff Quindoo said this morning “The mandatory long form census is crucial for us Jedi to identify our fellow believers. Many Jedi keep themselves hidden away in places such as remote swamps or desert outposts. If not for the mandatory census, such recluses might refuse to identify themselves, this is why … ” Read more…

Earlier today Jedi from around the country demonstrated in front of the offices of NDP and Liberal Members of Parliament in order to express our thanks for their support.  Both NDP and Liberal MP’s have been vocal in their defence of the mandatory long form census.

Or they had been until this morning.  Many Jedi Knights turned on their computers this morning to shocking and hurtful comments by the federal NDP:

What do 21,000 Jedis have to do with the Long Form Census? Nothing.

We had thought the days of bigotry had gone.  We apparently were wrong. So listen up NDP, Jedis matter, and this census issue has EVERYTHING to do with us.

Read more…

“Fundamentally,” writes MP Maxime Bernier of the dark side, “my position is that whatever the presumed usefulness of these data, I don’t believe it justifies forcing people to answer intrusive questions about their lives, under threat from a fine or jail time if they don’t.”

Fundamentally, our position, contrary to this former Industry Minister, is that we should be using the force, rather than not use force. Using the force is justified when it’s done for the common good.

Help support us – needed is your help if the dark side is to be defeated.

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The long-form census is vital to the Jedi. This is why we oppose the reckless and short-sighted decision by the Dark Side to end the long-form mandatoriness.
There are many reasons why it must be mandatory, including:
  1. We must know how many number amongst our faith
  2. We deliver services, like keeping Sith from abducting and killing people. We need to ensure that Jedi are spread out to ward off this threat.
  3. Without the mandatory census, we cannot know how many lightsabers there are for the lightsaber registry
  4. We clean and wax starships at our churches. Our planners need to know how many scrubby brushes to purchase for the year.
  5. So we can know how many Jedi Academies to build, and where to put them.
For these, and many other reasons, we need you to help us keep the long-form census mandatory.

“21,000 Canadians registered Jedi knight as a religion in the 2001 census. Religion is asked every 10 years. We made the 40-page long form voluntary because government should not threaten prosecution or jail time to force Canadians to divulge unnecessary private and personal information. Canadians don’t want the government at their doorstep at 10 o’clock at night while they may be doing something in their bedroom, like reading, because government wants to know how many bedrooms they have.”

Jedi Church of Canada condemns actions of rogue Sith
Sith Bastard Ottawa 23/07/2010 – As many of you are now aware, a rogue Sith lord committed a violent bank robbery in the United States this week:

“[Darth Vader] was reduced to robbing a bank on Long Island this morning. Impotent Rebel Alliance security forces tell Newsday (paywall) that Vader marched into a Chase bank in Setauket around 11:30 a.m. today. Brandishing a completely unnecessary handgun—as he had the power to choke the oxygen out every teller’s throat—the fallen Jedi demanded cash.”

Jedism is a religion of peace. Committing crimes and threatening sentient beings are contrary to the teaching of the great Jedi masters (mtfbwy). We Jedi condemn these crimes in the strongest terms possible and call on all citizens, especially Jedi Canadians and Jedi Americans, to assist the police in their investigation and report any sightings or disturbances in the force.

May the Force be with you.

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